Funny Kid Stories

So, I was hanging out at the Nobis house last night and after dinner, Loretta and I were talking about people's blogs and the different writing styles of each. During our conversation I came up with an idea for an entry to post...

I substitute teach almost every day of the week, which puts me in contact with a ton of kids. In hanging out with these kids, you pick up some great stories to tell other people. Whether they are hilarious things that the kids do or just my plain stupidity that deserves to be laughed at! So, here are at least the "Top 3 - Funny Kid Stories of 04-05":
(some of you may have heard these already...but they are always fun to revisit)

#3 - This one happened just yesterday in a Kindergarten class. There is a little girl in this class who has more moves than Britney Spears and more attitude than Queen Latifah, and yesterday her mom decides to dress her in a shirt which she tied up in a knot to make it into a haulter top (completely showing her midsection and underwear buldging out of her pants). May I remind you this is a class of 5 and 6 year olds! When I went over to this youngster and talked to her about how this is not appropriate to wear at school, she replied with attitude saying, "Well, my mama said I could wear it like this!" I smiled, sighed and repeated myself as I gently untied the knot and said "Girls don't need to be showing this much skin and we definitely shouldn't be showing our underwear." Case closed!
I moved on to help another table with their math centers. I bent over to help little Johnny with his paper when I hear a faint little voice saying, "Could you please pull up your pants?" I didn't pay much attention, but then I heard it again and then I felt a little tap on my back. "Ms. Mitchell, can you please pull up your pants, I can see your underwear." Now, how humbling and embarassing is that? The one day I forget my belt, thinking I'd be okay with a jacket covering it and the unthinkable happens. A Kindergartner calls me out! To me that's funny stuff:)

#2 - Another Kindergarten story (actually the first day I was ever a K teacher!) It was the first 5 minutes of class, I was taking role and doing the calendar with the kids on the carpet. I asked if "Susie" was here today and everyone said she was in the bathroom. I thought, Okay, no prob! 10 minutes later Susie has not come out of the bathroom, so being a good teacher I decided to go over and check on her. I cracked the door and was greeted by a huge repulsive gust of urine smell and a little girl crying. Her little voice squeaked, "I didn't make it in time." I tried to remain calm, but panic overtook me and I rushed out of the room to the nearest class and completely interrupted the teacher across the hall. Mind you I left my class of Kindergartners alone. I told her the story and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said (in an "I've been a teacher for 20 years" kind of voice) "all you need to do is take her to the nurse"! Great:) How easy is that? I'm over here freaking out, looking like a fool and all I needed to do was send her to the nurse! That teacher still looks at me like I'm an idiot. Oh well! Lesson learned: never question a Kindergartner when they say they have to go to the bathroom.

#1 - Funny how these are all Kindergarten stories - those kids are hilarious! This was a couple months ago at the same school as story #3, but different class. (Can't decide which class is worse at the moment). I was having a horrific day, PMS-ing, no patience, horrible class, the whole nine yards! During free-choice that day, I began coloring with some of the girls and listening to some of their conversations. When one of the girls directed a comment at me...
"Um, Ms. M, Darius was talking bad about you at lunch." (said with all the attitude you can muster) I replied, "Oh, what did Darius say about me?", curious to know. "Um, he called you White Trash!" "Oh, did he?" I said! With the day going like it was, I really didn't think it could get much worse, so the only thing I knew to do was laugh. So I shook my head, sighed and cracked up, "White trash huh?" I thought to myself "You're 5! How in the world do you even know what that means?" I guess I'm just naive. "White Trash"...that's a #1 keeper!